Everlasting Memory
by IwRiTe4yOu
Summary: A year later, Eiri Yuki looks back on the only memory he has left of Shuichi Shindo. Their year and a half anniversary.


**_A/N: Ugh. Every time I have a writer's block on all of my other stories I end up writing a one shot for something else. Enjoy!_**

_Everlasting Memory_

Yuki Eiri sat by the grave of his late lover. He suppressed the tears that yearned to fall down his cheeks. He missed the little ball of pink energy that irritated him, seduced him, and loved him. It wasn't like his depression couldn't have been prevented. Yuki felt terrible for having been the reason his lover had taken his own life.

He couldn't get the image of blood running from Shuichi's body out of his head. The night that Shuichi had died, he realized why his lover had suddenly refused to sleep with him. Scars from cuts too deep ran along his thighs, chest and hips. Each of the slashes spelled out his name. Shuichi's episode of vomiting in his final hours tormented him from the front of his mind. Yuki stopped fighting the tears and allowed them to fall freely. He had messed up his entire life, and taken the life of another person. He knew that he had killed Shuichi even if he hadn't been the one "holding the gun" so to speak.

Shuichi's headstone glared at him in the moonlight.

**_Shuichi Shindo_**

**_Birth: April 16, 1990 Death__: October_ _31, 2011_**

**_A brother, a lover, a son__, a friend._**

**_"May he forever rest in the peace he never found on Earth."_**

Yuki couldn't help but miss the singer's voice. He had always made fun of the lyrics, rarely giving his lover any praise. He placed a soft kiss on the headstone as he was thrown back to Halloween night.

* * *

><p>Shuichi bounced around the studio smiling at anyone and everyone. No one had been able to get the reason why he was so happy out of him. He had not been able to stand still long enough to record any of their new songs. Frustrated, K stood up.<p>

"I give up! You guys have the rest of the day off! Come back tomorrow ready to work," K turned around and practically ran out of the door.

Shuichi grabbed Hiro's hand and began to pull him out of the studio. "Come on Hiro! Let's get going!"

Laughing, the older man let the pink haired energy ball pull him along. "Where are we going? And what has gotten into you today Shu?"

The younger boy continued to pull him all the way out to the parking lot. "Today is Yuki and I's year and six month anniversary! I want to get him something extra special, but I need you to drive me into town so that I can get him something!" He looked at Hiro with his puppy dog eyes. "Please, please please can we go Hiro?"

Hiro couldn't help but chuckle. "Sure." Shuichi yelped in delight and jumped on the motorcycle behind Hiro. Soon they were headed into town. "Do you have any idea what you want to get him for your anniversary present?"

"I have an idea for a few things, but I haven't made up my mind yet. Nothing is good enough for him," Shuichi said as he smiled, lost in thoughts about his lover.

"Well, where are we headed first?"

Shuichi began pointing out different directions and they were soon at a shopping district near the outskirts of town. Hiro couldn't believe that Shuichi even knew about this place. The little district was nice and quiet. There was a beautiful park in the center. Several flowers, still in bloom, decorated the small pond. He didn't question his friend, though, just shook his head and followed him from store to store.

They didn't get back to the bike for another two hours, and by then Hiro's watch flashed that it was almost six. He suggested that they both get home for dinner and Shuichi agreed, satisfied with his findings. They stopped by a restraunt quickly to grab some food to go before Hiro drove Shuichi back to the condo he shared with Eiri Yuki.

Shuichi ran up the stairs until he came to their floor. He swiftly took out his key and opened the door quietly. He managed to slip into the spare bedroom just off from the kitchen so that he could hide the gifts and make sure that Yuki wasn't in the kitchen.

He quickly ran into the kitchen. Satisfied that Yuki was not in there he pulled out a plate and loaded it up with all of Yuki's favorites that he had gotten from the restraunt. Once everything was set perfectly on the plate he picked it up and walked over to the office. Outside the door, he listened to the soft padding of fingers against the keyboard. Shuichi and listened to the small "Come in" before he entered.

"Yuki!" He squealed. "I'm home!" He stated as he handed the blonde the plate full of food.

Yuki just took the plate and placed in on the table, swiftly running his hands through his hair before turning back to his work. He really didn't want to have to deal with the brat tonight. He had a terrible headache and a deadline quickly approaching.

His prayers were not answered for right as he began to type again Shuichi sat down on a little stool next to him.

"Yuki, today is a very special day! Do you know what day it is?"

The blonde refused to answer the question. Maybe if he just ignored Shuichi, then he would go away. But Shuichi continued to pester him. It seemed that there would be no end. Finally he caved in and gave the best answer he could think of.

"Halloween."

"Yes it is Halloween. But what else is today Yuki?"

Taking slow breaths to keep himself calm Yuki ignored the boy again. When Shuichi began to try and crawl into his lap he pushed him off time after time. His head was really beginning to pound. Once Shuichi realised that he wasn't going to be able to stay in Yuki's lap very long he just kissed Yuki's cheek and sat still for a moment.

Yuki was relieved. Shuichi was content on sitting there with Yuki until he was done for the night until he realized that he hadn't set up the presents on the table for Yuki to see when he would come to put his plate in the sink.

"Don't forget to eat your dinner Yuki!" He playfully bit Yuki's ear, not knowing how irritated the writer was. Shuichi had to jump back when Yuki jumped up in a rampage.

"Can't you give me one night of peace? Ever since I agreed to be your lover you've been annoying me with everything about you. Your voice, your actions, the way you look, your childish temptations. I don't know why you are still here," Shuichi fell to the ground and backed up against the book case with Yuki towering over him. He had never been so scared in his entire life. "Why don't you do everyone else and myself a favor and leave, forever."

Shuichi scrambled to get off of the floor and out of the door. He ran back into the spare bedroom and sat behind the closed doors. The tears began to fall at once and he couldn't control himself. He sat there for nearly an hour crying.

It took all of the courage he had to get up off the floor and grab the presents. He softly padded his way into the kitchen and set all of them up in a very artistic and cutesy way. He knew that Yuki would at least appreciate it.

He couldn't help but feel down again. Shuichi walked into the spare bedroom's bathroom and took off his shorts, admiring the scars that ran along his hip, halfway down his thigh. It was one the front of his legs and the sides.

The scars were still very pronounced even after two weeks of healing. He knew it wouldn't hurt Yuki if he saw the scars anymore, so he opened the drawer on the bottom right were the glass shards were hidden. He hadn't meant to break a glass cup two weeks ago. Afterwards, the cut on his hand from the cup had felt so nice he had subconsciously picked up the sharpest piece and run it along his right shoulder.

All of the blood that had beaded up on his skin released the pain he had felt from always being berated by Yuki, so he had hidden the glass. He never knew that the pain would become so ridiculously addicting.

He fell to cutting whenever he got in a slump now. All the scars were strategically placed so that it could be covered by anything he wore. Shuichi couldn't help but smile as he picked up the dullest shard. That one caused the most pain. It could distract him for hours. Now that he knew he wouldn't have to hide his scars from anyone, he took the first cut across his stomach.

The first word he decided upon he engraved across his belly. Even thought the word _love _was upside down, he knew most would be able to read it. He cut small heart around his wrists so that they would appear to be bracelets.

Shuichi had to stop and think about what he wanted to do next. As he sat there, the pain of the cuts took a hold of him and he grimaced. Anything to rid of the pain of a broken heart. He put his shorts back up but rolled them up so that he could draw on his legs.

As Shuichi went to bend over to slash at his legs he felt the word engraved on his stomach. It was more deep than his other scars. In the back of his mind something was screaming at him to go and get it stitched up, but he completely blew it off.

Nearly delirious, Shuichi picked up the sharpest piece of glass. He couldn't get Yuki off of his mind. He slashed with all of his might in three different spots on both of his arms, and in two different spots on his ankles. Blood was spilling everywhere. He walked to the kitchen, trying not to get any of his blood on the carpet. There was linoleum tile in the kitchen, which would be easier to clean the blood off of.

He hadn't barely made it into the kitchen when he fell over from exhaustion. Shuichi was losing so much blood. Using the little strength he had left, Shuichi pushed himself up off of the floor and grabbed his bottle of pain pills. He picked the half-full glass up off the counter and took half of the ninety pills in the bottle. Once he had swallowed the first dose, he took a final look at himself in a window before taking the last half and swallowing. Darkness had begun to creep up on him and he couldn't bear to hold it back any longer.

Meanwhile Yuki continued to work on his latest story. He was determined to make this deadline so that he could spend more time on other things. His mind couldn't block out the episode he had just had with the brat. Shuichi was just feeling a little lonely and he had completely blown up on the poor boy. Yuki couldn't help but feel a little terrible that he had gotten so angry. Shuichi's terrified face would not stop haunting him and his headache wouldn't leave him alone. He thought back to the bottle of pain pills the doctor had prescribed Shuichi after he'd carelessly fallen of his bike, going as fast as was physically possible on a mountain bike, managing to break two ribs and dislocate his shoulder.

Yuki continued to type his story, but soon enough his headache had become so bad that the screen began to blur. He sat back for a second, alternating between rubbing his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. Shuichi hadn't taken any of the pills, and he didn't want them to go to waste. If he just took one of the pills his headache would dissipate so that he could work.

He stood up and clutched his pounding head as the blood began to circulate in his body. In pain, he opened the door and walked out of the study. Yuki had to squint his eyes and grimace as he headed towards the insanely bright light coming from the kitchen. Standing in the doorway he looked at the bloody mess on the floor. It did not register for several moments that it was his lover laying there, half dead.

As reality began to settle in, Yuki jumped into motion. He didn't care about the blood that seeped into his shirt and onto his skin as he picked up the younger boy. Quickly pulling out his cell phone he dialed 911. The conversation was quick, he didn't want to waste anytime. In this kind of situation, every second counted. Holding Shuichi he dashed towards the front door and fumbled with the handle. He couldn't be bother with the elevator, so he headed straight for the stairs and was down in the lobby in less than two minutes.

Irrational thoughts tried to take over his brain as he leaped out the front doors. He could hear the ambulance sirens approaching and he turned to runs towards them. When the ambulance came into sight he flagged them down and they had Shuichi in the back of the ambulance in no time. Yuki held onto his head as the paramedics tried their hardest to stabilize Shuichi. He wasn't dead yet.

Yuki picked up his phone and dialed the first number that came to his mind.

"Hello," came the voice.

"Nakano," Yuki cut himself off. His head hurt and he couldn't think of what to say.

"Eiri-san? Is something wrong?"

"Can you meet me at the hospital near the condo."

"Sure. What's up?"

"It's Shuichi.."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

All of Yuki's strength left him and he dropped the phone. This was all his fault. He was definitely the worst type of person imaginable. It wasn't too much longer before the ambulance pulled up in front of the hospital and all three of the men in the back were rolling the unconscious, dying, young man into the E. R.

When Hiro ran through the automatic doors and into the waiting room the entire facility was still in a state of panic. He ran straight over to Yuki who was sitting helplessly in a chair in the waiting room. He sat down next to the older man, waiting for all of his silent questions to be answered. Yuki hadn't cried since he'd killed his mentor, but he was ready to let the tears that threatened to fall run their course. He was killing another person he cared for. Even if it had taken until just this moment to realize how much he truly loved the brat, the feelings had always been there. He buried his face in his hands, fearing for the life of the young man he loved.

Hiro broke the silence by clearing his throat, "Eiri-san, what is going on?"

Yuki rubbed his face. "He tried to commit suicide."

Hiro couldn't believe what he was hearing. The bright and happy pink-haired ball of energy had tried to end his own life. It couldn't be that. Something else had to have happened. "What...? I mean.. How? Why?"

Yuki stood up and began to pace the room. "There were cuts all over his body, deep gashes. Blood was everywhere. And his bottle of pain killers was completely empty though I know for sure it still held all ninety pills this afternoon."

"Ninety?" Hiro was astounded. He'd cut himself to make himself bleed to death and overdosed on prescription drugs. "Why in the... What the hell..." Hiro was at a complete loss for words.

"It was me." Yuki stated. "We had a fight, and I said some things. But it's not the first time I've said those things either. I guess what I said really got to him.." Yuki pulled on his hair. "Oh god. He can't die."

Hiro punched Yuki in the arm. "I'll deal with you later. Just tell me where Shuichi is."

"They took him into the O. R. He cut two of his main arteries open. They have to try and get them back together to stop the bleeding and they had to pump his stomach."

Yuki sat back down and buried his face in his hands again. Hiro stood and paced around the room. They stayed this way for several hours until the doctor came out to see them.

"Are you two here for Shuichi Shindo?" He asked. They both nodded and followed his every movement as he walked over to one of the chairs to sit down. "He's in critical condition. But he's stable right now. There is still a chance that he can pull through this if he doesn't obtain an infection. He's asleep right now if you two would like to visit him.

"And Eiri." The doctor continued. "We have a pair of black scrubs that you can wear if you wish to wash up and stay the night here. We'll just throw the clothes you have on now out."

Hiro finally looked at the older man to see what the doctor was talking about. He paled when he saw the amount of blood covering the writer's shirt. Yuki looked down at his shirt, having completely forgotten about it.

The doctor stood up and turned towards the door. "If you wish to see him, please follow me."

Yuki stood and calmly followed him while Hiro practically launched himself out the door. The walked down several halls into the main part of the hospital, they followed him up the stairs into the Intensive Care facility. He stopped in front of the room with 572 plastered on the front.

He knocked once before opening the door. Shuichi lay on the bed with the sheets tucked around his waist. His torso was exposed. There were many stitches over his top. There were small circles stuck to his chest hooked up to a machine showing his heart beat.

He had three IV's leading in to the veins in his left arm that were filling his body with blood. Two more IV's were in his right arm. One contained blood and the other was a water drip. Hiro stopped cold in the doorway, speechless. Yuki walked forward and sat int he chair beside the bed holding onto one of Shuichi's hands.

They visited with Shuichi for a while before Hiro decided he had to leave so he could try and get some sleep so that he could face everyone at work in the morning. He left the room and Yuki was left alone with Shuichi. Yuki let a single tear fall before pulling himself together.

'Watching someone you love dying before your eyes really can change a person,' he thought. Yuki silently vowed that he would be nicer to his lover for the rest of their lives together. He hoped that it wouldn't end on this night. Looking up at the clock he noticed that several hours had gone by. It was getting late.

Yuki picked up the hand he was holding and kissed the knuckles. "I love you Shuichi." He murmured.

"I love you too," came a small voice from up on the bed. Shuichi's eyes were cracked. Yuki jumped up startled. "Now I can die happy."

"You can't die. I won't let you." He leaned down and kissed Shuichi.

"I never knew you felt that way Yuki.." Shuichi turned away to avoid Yuki's eyes.

"Well I have. And I guess I treated you bad enough that you would believe that taking your own life would solve all of your problems," Shuichi flinched. He knew Yuki was going to yell at him for being an idiot. "And I was the idiot Shuichi. I didn't see what I was doing to you. I've been so blind. I'm sorry."

"Yuki, I don't want to die anymore."

"You won't die. Shuichi, I've got to go now. They said that I could stay the night here, but I have to go and pack us some clothes," he kissed Shuichi's forehead. "I love you Shu, I'll be back first thing in the morning."

"I love you too." Yuki kissed Shuichi once more before leaving the room and heading out towards the parking lot to drive back to the condo. So many things were running through his mind. It didn't take long before he had reached the condo and he ran up the stairs. Once he had reached their floor he ran straight into their bedroom and packed the bags so that he would be ready to leave in the morning.

Yuki was slowly convincing himself that Shuichi would still be there in the morning, and that it would be okay if he stayed at the condo for one night. Then he felt his stomach growl at him. He remembered the food that Shuichi had brought him. He walked into the study and picked it up so that he could take it to the kitchen and warm it up.

When he reached the kitchen, the first thing that he saw was all of the blood. He felt like he was staring at a crime scene. He noted that he needed to go and pick up some bleach and a mop so that he could clean it up before Shuichi was released from the hospital.

He took a glance up and his heart began to ache when he looked at the table. There was a little balloon sticking out of a case of his favorite flowers: white roses. The little balloon read: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! He plucked the little card from the stick in the flowers and stared at Shuichi's handwriting, trying to read what it said.

_'Dear Eiri, Happy Year and a Half Anniversary! I love you. Love, Shu'_

Laying in front of the vase of roses was a new button up shirt in his favorite color: Purple. Pinned on the shirt, just over where his heart would be if he had the shirt on was a gold pin in the shape of a rose. He lifted up the shirt to have a closer look and noticed a scrap book underneath.

Yuki picked up the scrapbook and began to look through all of the pages. Each page held more pictures of him or of Shuichi. There were pictures of him asleep, or working on a book in the study, or in his bathing suit at the beach. There were some of Shuichi singing on stage, begging for something, and riding his bike just before crashing.

On the last page there were two pictures. One of the pictures was one that had been taken while he and Shuichi had fallen on asleep together on the couch during a party at his parent's house. They were holding hands and Shuichi was laying on top of him with his head on Yuki's chest. They both looked so peaceful.

The other picture was the one that Yuki and Shuichi had taken on their first date before Yuki had run away like the wimp he was. Beneath the pictures was Shuichi's atrocious handwriting again.

_'Dear Eiri,_

_First and foremost, Happy year and Half Anniversary! This past year and a half have been amazing! I couldn't imagine anyone better to be my lover/boyfriend. I love you so much Eiri. I know that you were hurt by the Yuki incident that happened those few years ago, and I just want you to know that I am always here for you. There is no way that you can get rid of me because I am here to stay. No matter how many times you yell at me or tell me to get out, I am going to be here._

_I knew from the moment I saw you that I was in love with you. You were a handsome man, and you're charms drew me in like a little bug. But I became your bug. I wanted to know everything about you, and I couldn't stand to be away from you for long. Nothing has really changed._

_My heart skips several times every time you touch me, and I melt when I feel your lips against mine. I sing my best when you are around because I always want you to be impressed with me. And whenever I spot you in the crowd at my concerts, I sometimes forget to breathe. Your my world, and I love you beyond words._

_I love you._

_Love,_

_Shuichi'_

The first emotion that overcame Yuki was happiness. He had never felt so loved before. He smiled at the cheesiness of the letter. Shuichi was always finding new ways to impress him. Yuki felt his head starting to pound again so he walked out into the living room and turned the radio on low volume.

One of Shuichi's songs came on as he laid down on the couch for a moment. Yuki was so mentally exhausted that he couldn't even remember falling asleep.

* * *

><p>Yuki woke to the sound of the phone ringing the next morning. He ignored it and walked into the bedroom. It was around eight in the morning. Visiting hours started at ten. He grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom for a quick shower. It it was an important phone call, they would leave a voice message.<p>

Once he was squeaky clean, Yuki stepped out of the shower and dressed in his fresh clothing. He couldn't help but smile as he pulled on his new shirt and buttoned it up. He fiddled around with the pin for a moment then grabbed the bags from the room, the keys from the kitchen, threw his shoes on his feet, and was on his way to the hospital.

He drove silently to the hospital thinking about Shuichi on his way there. He hadn't gotten the younger man an anniversary gift. Yuki made a left for a quick detour. He pulled up to an empty flower shop, the sign on the outside of the door said that it would be open at 9:30. That was ten minutes away and would give him enough time to get to the hospital just in time for visiting hours to start.

Yuki waited on the bench outside of the flower shop until he heard the lock click on the door. He walked inside and looked around for several minutes. There were so many flowers, and he couldn't remember which ones were Shu's favorite. Yuki groaned, that was just freaking fantastic. He finally decided one a single red rose, because you can't go wrong with roses.

After paying for his rose, he jumped back in his car and placed it on the passenger seat. The clock read 9:45, he was right on schedule. Ten minutes later, Yuki made it to the hospital and headed up the stairs to the Intensive Care Unit. Last night had been such a blur that Yuki couldn't remember Shuichi's room number. He walked up to the front desk.

"Hello," said the chipper nurse. She looked young, maybe in her early twenties. "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for the room of Shuichi Shindo. He was admitted to the hospital last night."

The nurse flipped through her pages, stopping after the third one. She bit her lip and rubbed her chin. "It seems that Shuichi was moved out of the Intensive Care."

"Can you tell me where he was moved to?"

She stood up and turned around. "Let me grab the doctor. He can tell you better than I can."

The nurse quickly ran away leaving Yuki standing there. She quickly came back with the doctor. "Eiri Uesugi, could you please follow me?"

It was the same doctor who had come to take him and Hiro to Shuichi's room last night. He followed the man into a quiet secluded room. It looked very peaceful on the inside.

"Eiri-san, please take a seat."

Yuki's heart dropped. What was happening? Was Shuichi okay?

"Eiri-san, this is really hard for me to say, but... Last night, within an hour after you left, Shuichi Shindo passed away," Yuki blocked what the doctor was saying. This was all a sick joke. "He ripped out his stitches in his sleep and began bleeding profusely again. He ripped out the IV's providing him with the replenishing blood. He died just before midnight. We're truly sorry for your loss."

His head began to pound again and he felt like he was falling apart. "Can I see him?"

* * *

><p>Yuki came back to his sense sitting at the grave site. He stood and brushed the grave with his hand one more time. The funeral had broken his heart, but he kept his resolution. He was becoming kinder, and not to Shuichi, who he let die, but to everyone he cares about. He was on good terms with his family now, and has made friends.<p>

Everyone helped Yuki after Shuichi was gone. He became a zombie. But now it is a year later. Yuki smiles once more down at the grave, where the young man he loves so much lies. And he knows Shuichi is his one and only, Everlasting Memory.


End file.
